Wednesday, June 21, 2006
And now, a short lesson on what makes a sport a sport.  I suppose I could blog on this all by itself, but without a (non sport) to ridicule directly, I think I will just go over the basics here in preparation to ridicule soccer later.  In order for an athletic activity to be classified a sport, the activity must meet four criteria.

First and foremost, a sport is a game.  Games include objective scoring (in other words no judging,) rules, strategy, are played head to head and the bulk of those playing are doing so for competition.  This criterion eliminates all judged competitions: gymnastics, ice skating, diving, etc, and many timed competitions: alpine skiing, bobsled, kayaking, etc. and those activities that are not done competitively by most that participate in it: cycling, jet skiing, hang gliding, rock climbing, etc.

Second, a sport is a competition between two teams.  There are NO individual sports.  This criterion does not attempt to demean those activities contested between individuals.  There are certainly activities that require a great deal of athleticism, training, conditioning, talent and skill, but if played as an individual, it is not a sport.  So, although they meet the first requirement, the following are eliminated as sports: nearly all track and field, most swimming, singles tennis, golf, bowling, chess, fishing, target games, lumberjacking and poker (and the fact that I actually have to mention poker is reason enough to write this rant in the first place.  ESPN, are you listening?)

Third, the game must include a single object (a ball if you will) that is manipulated by both teams.  Any kind of relay (which eliminates the rest of swimming,) auto racing, rowing, yachting, team bowling, etc. are eliminated by this criterion.

And last, there is opportunity for great bodily injury as an integral part of the game.  By great bodily injury, I mean injured to the point where one cannot continue to play, and by integral part of the game I mean foreseeable and common to the activity, not a bizarre accident.  Dropping a curling stone on one’s foot can certainly cause injury, but it is not a normal part of the game.  Hence curling, doubles table tennis, team jenga, crochet, doubles badminton and “The great race” are all eliminated by this criterion.

So, here is the short list of actual SPORTS: (feel free to add as long as you can make a case based on the four rules above.)

Baseball, Football, Hockey, Basketball, Rugby, Volleyball, Water Polo, Cricket, Lacrosse, Doubles Tennis and Soccer.

To iganja’s chagrin, soccer and doubles tennis do meet the minimum requirements to be a sport.  However, both have aspects that truly warrant ridicule.

Let's take doubles tennis.  You can admittedly get injured playing tennis (being stabbed in the back by a fan not withstanding,) but I refuse to give any credit to a sport that is played with fuzzy balls.

And finally we come to the scourge of the sport community, soccer.  There really couldn’t be a more excruciatingly painful way to spend even five minutes of my life than to be forced to watch a soccer match.  …and you all thought baseball was boring.

6/21/2006 9:54:12 AM (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
 Wednesday, May 31, 2006
hot hot hotI don’t know what the hell she’s sellin’, but I’ll buy it.

I’m pretty sure it’s not an ad for some anti-drug campaign with that smokin’ hot crack!

I heard she was some kind of race car driver… whatever, I hope she’s fast.

seriously,
oh i very much ganja!


 

 

 

 

 

5/31/2006 4:02:59 PM (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
 Friday, May 26, 2006
One of the leading opponents, Dr. Donald Tashkin from UCLA, and life long studier of marijuana, has concluded that smoking the stuff, even in large quantities similar to a pack a day cigarette smoker, has no cancer causing effect; none, what-so-ever in fact. What really burns this guy up inside, I’m sure, is that there was evidence that smoking marijuana may actually provide, get this, “some protective effect”. Oh my! Whatever will this guy do now that his life has been devoted to showing marijuana to be dangerous, and finding that it may very well have medicinal qualities? I wonder; will Dr. Tashkin now go on a (tax-payer funded of course) crusade to uncover other possible benefits of this unjustifiably condemned plant.

cowbell.gifWhat if someone doesn’t smoke it at all, eliminating the tar and other documented cancer causing agents found in cigarette smoke? What if we actually study the healing properties of THC itself? What if marijuana smoke does in fact contribute to the progression of cancer, but is counteracted upon by the THC? Imagine what might be the findings if we take away the smoke, and now all we have is the good stuff!

I got a fever!
And the only prescription, is more cow bell!

oh, I ganja!

5/26/2006 2:01:46 PM (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
 Wednesday, May 24, 2006
laa.gifSay it ain't so! The last time the Angels won back to back games and a series was over a month ago; April 22nd and 23rd at Oakland.  I don't want to give up on this season, seeing as, with this loss, the division leading Texas Rangers are now at .500, but the Angels have got to start winning some series to get back in this race.  Way to go Kendry Morales!  The Angels are 2-0 since he was brought up.  Let's keep it going boys!

oh, i ganja!

5/24/2006 1:26:20 PM (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
 Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Give it to me straight Doc, I can take it!  In yet another case of killing the patient with the treatment, or in this case the message, we can only imagine that a more appropriate message might have been delivered had he just stayed home.

Seems to me that a video conference by the “Inventor of the Internet” could have maimed two political birds with one stone here… Instead, Al Gore takes to the air.  Guess he doesn’t trust his inventions that much.

oh, i ganja

 

5/23/2006 4:33:10 PM (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
 Monday, May 22, 2006

wells.jpgI know it's still May but June's STFU goes to none other than Boston Red Sox (well kinda, he has only pitched one game this year, and is currently on the DL) pitcher, David Wells.  All I have to say is, look at your stats this year, you big hunk of tub-o-lard!  While casting disparities at others based on their changing numbers, you might want to discuss your 15.75 ERA, 2.75 WHIP and oh, btw, one single strike out?  Hmmm, based on your career stats, that looks a just a little fishy to me.  Maybe it is YOU and your pumpkin sized dome who should be answering questions as to why you suck now that the steroid policy is in full effect?  Wells gets holier than just about everyone Although, I really am more apt to believe it's just because you are simply washed up.

 

oh, I ganja

5/22/2006 1:38:21 PM (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
 Friday, May 19, 2006

jim.jpgAt least the greatest I’ve ever seen…

 

Even though it happened in Kansas City, and I only got to see it on TV and then about a million times on replay, the catch Jim Edmonds made over the tip of his cap in straight away center field is easily the greatest baseball catch of all time.  Keep in mind; this shot was taken from the camera-well, even with third base.  Viewed from home plate, all you see is Jim's cleats and backside.  I've been searching for the video of this, butt to no avail.  If anyone ever finds it, please pass it along.

 

Baseball Weekly rates it as the 3rd most amazing play of all-time!

 

I just needed something to reminisce about after last nite’s horrible display by my Angels.

 

oh, I ganja

5/19/2006 9:50:02 AM (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
 Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I have often wondered how we ever got to this whole idea of sending along (aka forwarding) things that humor us, or enlightened us, or scare us, on to our friends and families simply because we receive them as emails from one of our other friends or family members.  Is it a way of keeping in contact with the ones we love?  Is it simply that there is a forward button on our email program, or are we so afraid that our own words aren’t as good as the ramblings of someone else?  And why don’t we do this with other things in our lives?  When you think about it, when was the last time you “forwarded” a Christmas card, or a hand written letter from someone, or a parking ticket, or your paycheck?  Well, if you’re like me, never.  All of these things have your name on them and are yours for the keeping, and personalized just for you, and that is the key.

 

Here is my challenge for all of you.  And I will admit, this isn’t my idea, it is only my idea to pass the challenge on to you.

 

Richard Carlson: author of “Don’t Sweat the Small stuff, and it’s All Small Stuff” writes in one of his chapters that each week you should write a “heartfelt letter” to someone you know.  Imagine, instead of a New Year’s resolution to lose weight or some other self serving endeavor, you resolve to do something for someone else.  Something simple, something from the heart, something that takes more thought than to simply add their name to the long list of names you are about to forward that silly chain email to.

 

I’ll admit, I’m not perfect, and I don’t write my letter every week.  But I do try.  The best part: when I get a personalized, heartfelt letter in return. I guarantee I never forward it.

 

If you feel like sending this on, be my guest, nothing bad will happen if you don’t.  If it gets more people writing letters, then it was worth it. Remember, no matter how bad you write, your words mean a lot more to the person you are sending them to than the words of someone else.

david

5/16/2006 5:47:40 PM (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
 Thursday, May 11, 2006

arguinginternet.jpgIt is a phenomenon no doubt.  Seemingly ordinary, mild mannered, well adjusted people, women, children, grandparents, all hiding behind the anonymity of their internet connections, ranting, raging, cursing, berating, insulting, bashing, criticizing and just plain being rude to the rest of the on-line community, who are all doing the exact same thing in return.  What the hell is this world coming to?

 

Before the internet and email and chat rooms and myspace and online dating, we got our news from the newspaper and the TV, we got our mail from the mail box, we chatted on the telephone or in person, there was no world-wide narcissist network and we met our future lovers and spouses through mutual friends, at school, at church, in public!  In short, we interacted with each other in more personal, face to face ways.  We were a society, I would argue, of much more polite and socially mindful people, with a real understanding of cause and effect with regard to our words and deeds.

 

If a man made an inappropriate suggestion to a female at a bar, he got slapped, or a drink poured on him, and rightfully so.  “Please” and “Thank You” were common phrases.  If there was a difference of opinion, the way it was voiced was tempered by the possible response one would receive.  Letters to the editor were signed (if you wanted any chance of getting them printed.)  We took responsibility for our words.  We had to.  The person we were directing them at was standing right in front of us, or at the very least, knew from whom or where the words came.

 

Enter the Internet; the ultimate creator of cowards, or at least the enabler of them.

Now, with no possibility of repercussion, inappropriate, rude, and even downright belligerent comments are made online every second of every day.  A whole generation of people living by the credo “The pen is mightier than the sword!” and right or wrong, they are getting away with it, because no matter how mighty, the sword needs a physical target.

 

Like those that feel that a car (or better yet, the largest SUV on the block,) is well suited as an instrument of persuasion, so are those that hide behind the safety of their computer screens, mocking, ridiculing, insulting, berating, all without a single thought or worry of the consequences.  If only the person they were directing their hate laden words toward were standing within arms reach, would they be so bold?

 

oh, I no ganja

5/11/2006 2:52:26 PM (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
 Friday, May 05, 2006

The 6 game (longest since April 2002) losing streak has ended.  Although, I fear it is not, if this is the end of the pain for this year, I’d say we got out without suffering too much damage.  How did we do it, you ask?  With the help of three rooks, two making their major league debuts and one becoming the 92nd player in history to homer in his first major league at bat.  What a day!  Too bad it happened in Detroit!  Now, since the rooks picked up the vets today, maybe some of them will learn how to hit again.laa.gif

 

And now, a quick note on Tim Salmon.  Even though he has cooled off a bit, he has shown that he can still hit big boy pitching for power.  We weren’t expecting .300 and that’s fine.  He is still a dangerous hitter, and a huge asset to a team of increasingly young players that need a veteran of Tim’s experience and attitude around for the dog days.

 

Angels snap longest skid since '02, cool off Tigers

 

oh, I ganja!

5/5/2006 4:30:50 PM (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
 Thursday, May 04, 2006

As if the U.S. didn’t have enough problems, with North Korea and Iran possibly developing nuclear weapons, the ongoing terrorist hailstorm in the Middle East, the future bird flu pandemic, the illegal immigration issues here at home, do we really need to go looking for another bees nest to stir up right now?  Can someone just put a fucking muzzle on our pea brained vice president before he starts another cold war?

 

Russian Officials Angered Over Vice President Cheney's Remarks

 

cheney1.jpgI have no problem acknowledging that Russia has its problems both internally and beyond its borders.  I can also can acknowledge that they too tend to apply pressure to those states that are not playing ball the way they’d like, but for the U.S. to even mention in passing that Russia is somehow overstepping ethical boundaries by using its natural resources to gain advantage or that they are unfairly restricting the rights of its citizens is just plain fucking hypocritical.

 

It is this holier than thou mentality constantly displayed by our government pinheads that continues to get us in hot water with the rest of the world, and continues to fuel those with less than honorable motives with plenty of material to justify their own self serving agendas.  Russia could absolutely be an exceptional ally of ours if only we would stop insulting them and pissing them off.  We are not the mother, father or big brother of all the world’s nations.  The fact is we need Russia on our side, if we are to check this jihad by the less fortunate, IQ challenged, religious zealots intent on destroying this planet in the name of Allah.

 

If we want the rest of the world on our side, or the very least stop telling us how to go about our business, we need to keep our noses out of theirs.

oh, i ganja

5/4/2006 4:14:36 PM (Pacific Standard Time, UTC-08:00)
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